Saturday, December 5, 2009

Free Monty Python album you've never heard

What a pleasure it is to listen to a Monty Python album where you don't already have everything memorized. "Memory Training" is right up there with "Word Association Football," and the dialogue between Mrs. Particle and Mrs. Velocity is just as good as the one between Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion. This never has been, and possibly never will be, officially released, so it's time to look on the pirate side of life and download a bootleg. It's only available in BitTorrent. Download this torrent.
 
 


Despite the title, this 1981 album was never actually released to the public for a fast buck. Andre Jacquemin, who put together much of the Pythons' album work, cobbled this album together from material which had been recorded for other albums (mostly the Contractual Obligation Album) but not used. It was given by Michael Palin to the band Motorhead as a gift, and has found its way, unofficially, into the hands of fans, but has never been sold in stores.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Denizen of the Darknet reviews 2012

by Michael Dare
 
I've never snuck into a movie theater showing a big new blockbuster with the intension of surreptitiously making a copy of it with my digital camera and offering it immediately for free to everyone on the internet, but I HAVE snuck into a movie theater showing a big new blockbuster and thought to myself "I must make it my mission in life to prevent other people from having to go through the same hideous experience I was just subjected to." Giving it away for free might be one way to do it.
 
I'd like to point out that one nanosecond after the first public showing of 2012, there were several versions available in BitTorrent.
 
And I'd like to point out that more than a month after its release, there still isn't a copy of A Serious Man, the Coen Brother's new film, available in BitTorrent. (At least so far as I know. It could be available on some limited stream the public doesn't have access to.)
 
And I'd like to make a big deal over those two facts, which I believe turn the release of BitTorrent versions of movies into an actual political statement and not just the work of "pirates" out to make a buck. (How can it be piracy if no one makes a penny? Sounds like a Robin Hood metaphor might be more apt.)
 
I put it to you that the reason A Serious Man hasn't been ripped off is because the intelligent minds behind BitTorrent actually respect the Coen Brothers and so it hasn't even occurred to them to rip them off. They would never, ever, pass around a shoddy copy of a Coen Brothers movie. They would only wait for the official DVD release so they can point with pride to their vastly superior Blue-Ray rip where you can see every wisp of smoke in the distance. The visuals are everything, man. You want to pay attention, to stop whatever it is you're doing and actually WATCH a Coen Brothers movie, and if you're giving it all your focus, you don't want to hear audience noises and see people getting up to go the bathroom from a copy shot in a multiplex that doesn't include the end credits because that's when the lights go up and the ushers appear.
 
I put it to you that 2012 was available immediately because nobody in the the vastly intelligent world of BitTorrent gives a good flying fuck about Roland Emmerich and the Hollywood money stream he represents. They show their contempt by saving you money which you can now spend on something else. There's no sense in feeling guilty because you were prevented from wasting your money. You'll just waste it on something else. No matter what, Hollywood gets your money.
 
Despite the fact that hell has called and wants my eyes back, I am grateful to the knowledgeable and generous denizens of the Darknet for saving me the bother of dragging my bones to a movie theater.
 
Here's a nice game to play. Exactly how much random money would you have to have lying around before you were willing to fork over fifteen bucks to see 2012? For me, it's about a hundred. Yeah, that's right. You'd have to pay me a hundred smackeroos before I'd go see 2012 in a movie theater. Before that point, I've got something better to do with that money. I could have a bong hit and imagine my own end of the world, where everyone is nice to each other and it drives them crazy, with hot fudge lava from the Electric Brownie Mountains flowing free into the churning Sea of Cold Stoned Creamery French Vanilla with a Jerry on top, Colonna, not Lewis, and everything is free, including food, from Foodster, the BitTorrent program that replicates food, and Drugster, the BitTorrent program that replicates drugs. Don't get me started about Sexster. No character needs an arc and no species needs an ark because there's nothing to escape from but their own lunacy and the unlimited barrels of pure pleasure available for free. The world falls apart because people stop believing in fairies. Nothing makes any sense. Ducks bark, dogs quack, and everyone wears hemp underwear. They got it wrong. It's just a bunch of random things happening. Entropy. That's how the world ends.
 
MD
 
"There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality."
- Pablo Picasso -

Friday, November 27, 2009

Lunatic on a Bus: A Debate with Stephen Colbert


Michael Dare vs. the Seattle Public Library





All I did was move a chair so I would be more comfortable. Is that too much to ask? I guess so. I am now forbidden by the head librarian to sit in a comfortable chair at one of the tables in the University Library, so if I've got a backache, you know who to blame.

Monday, November 23, 2009

My Debates with Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert is having a contest where he invites you to download a bunch of clips of him and to cut yourself into the footage. The winner gets to actually appear on the Colbert Report. I submitted four videos and miraculously, three of them are currently being featured on the front page of the contest. Don't know how long they'll last. Please go to the link below and give me a thumbs up. (my screen name is michaeldare) You want me to be on the Colbert Report, don't you?
 
 
MD

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Uwajimaya



Best. Emma. Ever.

http://www.book-it.org/files/Emma.jpg


Emma begins at a wedding for which Emma takes full credit since she encouraged the couple to get together. Spurred by this dubious accomplishment, Emma is deluded into thinking she has the magic touch and proceeds to wreak havoc on every relationship that comes her way. She does it with enormous charm, but it's the charm of a vixen. We don't really like Emma, whose meddling in the affairs of others barely masks the lack of intimacy in her own life. This all turns around by the ending, a perfect Shakespearian matching up of couples, with one of the most beautiful love scenes ever written, when Emma finally realizes her own true love has been in front of her eyes the whole time. If you're not weeping during this scene, you're a heartless bastard and Jane Austin will never forgive you.

I didn't want to see Emma so I couldn't blame anybody who didn't want to come with me. I've braved many a theatrical production alone thinking Christ, it's a good thing no one's with me or they'd be squirming in their seats. Not that there's anything wrong with the Jane Austin book - which is a well-deserved classic - it's just that unlike A Confederacy of Dunces, which had almost never been done before, there have been enough Emmas lately to satisfy the most redundant Jane Austin fan.

So who needed another one?

There's only one excuse. Like putting on Hamlet, you better have a lead actor deserving of the role, and I'm glad to say Sylvie Davidson rips through the part, makes it her own, and tears up the stage in an avalanche of talent. You can't take your eyes off her.

In a fit of literary pique, I've now checked out every adaptation I could get my hands on, from the literal portrayals of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kate Beckensale and Romola Garai to the freewheeling updates of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless and  Audrey Tautou in Amelie. I couldn't believe not one of them rose to the occasion as Sylvie Davidson did. Hers is by far the best of the bunch for one very special reason. Every filmed Emma is equally charming and meddlesome and delightful, but Davidson's is the only one with a tiny dose of madness. Her interpretation has the perfect sense and wacked out sensibility to throw a bit of Blanche DuBois into the mix, giving us someone who has truly lost her bearing. Not all the time, mostly her facade is perfect, but once in a while she gets this glazed look in her eye where you go OMG she's insane, and these rare moments are particularly hilarious, adding a depth to the character missing from every other version, even the book.

In all other ways, this production shines. Right on down the line, every single supporting character is better than the other versions. After seeing this Emma, it's the one you remember. Just when you're thinking Christ, I've heard this all before, they'll floor you with a perfect piece of stagecraft, like all the lights going out but a spot on Emma while every other performer on stage, in darkness, read in chorus, a description of her character. Every choice is impeccable, and those friends and family who wouldn't come with me, it's their loss. All hail adapter Rachel Atkins and director Marcus Goodman. Emma is amazing. Yeah, I was bawling my eyes out.

The worst book I ever read was Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but if Book-It were to do a production of it, god damn, I'd still go.

And if they ever do Gone With the Wind, they've got a perfect Scarlett right under their noses.

October 20 – November 22, 2009   Center House Theatre, Seattle Center



Friday, September 25, 2009

A Confederacy of Geniuses




Book-It Repertory Theatre celebrates its 20th year in business with a production personifying everything that makes them a world class operation, tackling a novel both beloved and untranslatable with uncommon skill and passion for the written word. What the hell, let's call it genius and leave it at that. They've carved themselves a peculiar niche, creating more than spoken novels but less than full-blown theatrical productions, using their small budgets to force you to use your imagination, just as you would be doing if you were actually reading the book instead of having it read to you by a troop of actors. It's an approach that's intrinsically philosophical, where each performer is not just the character they're portraying but the narrator of their own story. This decision to avoid a central narrator, spreading the author's words around to every performer on stage, lets you float in and out of the reality of the narrative. Every production is about people who are omniscient, unable to separate themselves from the person telling their story.

Mary Machala didn't adapt and direct the book so much as get out of its way, letting every idiosyncrasy shine through. If you love the book, you will love this production, and if you hate the book, you will probably hate this production. If you haven't read the book, it's completely entertaining on it's own terms.

http://www.notasdecine.es/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/harry-knowles.jpg
Harry Knowles disapproves of this review

It tells the story of Ignatius T. Reilly, a 300 pound adult still living with his mother in New Orleans in the '60s. If it were the '90s, he'd be Harry Knowles of Ain't It Cool News, but the internet hadn't been invented yet so Ignatius has no choice but to take out his snark against everyone around him, including his mother, all her friends, a local cop, his fellow workers in a pants factory, his ex-girlfriend, and a poor hot dog vender who offers Ignatius a job, not knowing he's just given Ignatius carte blanche to eat all his hot dogs. It's a cavalcade of comedy chaos as the audience wonders how anyone on earth can put up with him for one second.

Ignatius is an unforgettable literary creation, much like Holden Caulfield, right down to the deer cap, you come away from the book not with the plot but with the indelible memory of a character so uncompromising and irritating that you don't know what to make of the fact you identify with them.

House M.D. is currently the biggest asshole on television. You can forgive House his idiosyncrasies because he's also a genius who saves lives, but Ignatius and Holden have no such noble qualities. They're both snotty losers who think the problem with the world is everything but themselves. Neither display a single positive attribute. Oh sure, they're both funny, but they aren't trying to be.

The Wikipedia page on A Confederacy of Dunces is a movie unto itself since the story of the novel is as fascinating as the story in the novel, creating its own mythology separate from the book. In a nutshell, John Kennedy Toole wrote A Confederacy of Dunces, killed himself in 1969, his mother took the only manuscript to Walker Percy who convinced the University of Louisiana to print up a few thousand copies in 1980, leading inexorably from good reviews to the 1981 Pulitzer Prize to major cult status. John Belushi, who would have been great, was going to do it with Harold Ramis, but died, then John Candy, who would have been great, died too, and Chris Farley, who would have been great, well, you get the drift.

Luckily, Brandon Whitehead survived the Ignatius curse to give a flawless performance of nuance and hilarity. From the opening second, he owns the stage, looking down his nose at us like the whole audience just cut a fart. Ignatius is a horrible combination of total loser and cultural snob, a wallowing ball of negativity who finds the worst in everything while contributing absolutely nothing. It wouldn't work if Whitehead didn't give Ignatius all the depth necessary for such a deeply flawed character, making him not just massive but massively entertaining.

Ellen McLain is patience personified as Ignatius' mom Irene, who surely deserves, and gets, a life of her own. The rest of the cast are every bit Whitehead's equal, especially the ones in multiple roles. With countless changes of costume and make-up, Samara Lerman is hilarious both as Darlene the sleazy barmaid and as Myrna Minkoff, Ignatius' radical college sweetheart. Similarly, Betty Campbell, Cynthia Geary, Bill Johns, Todd Licea, Enrique Olguin, Kiri Nelson, and Kevin McKeon all revel in their multiple characters. Backstage must be a madhouse of costume changes.

One quibble. All have differing mastery of one of the hardest accents to do, the New Orleans. Unfortunately they're all trying to do the SAME New Orleans accent when real New Orleans accents are as varied as New York accents, which is something only an asshole like me would point out. Yeah, you're a liar if you're a critic and you say you don't identify with Ignatius, who should be the opposite of a role model for the rest of us cultural snobs, who have precious little to complain about when we visit Book-It Repertory. Here's hoping for another 20 years.

MD

This is John Kennedy Toole, which means if they make a film
about him, Andy Richter better free up his schedule

Get tickets at  http://www.book-it.org/ through October 11.

Catcher in the Rye cover by Willie Jimenez. 
See more of his work at http://westwolf270.deviantart.com/


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Fish Ladder at the Chittenden Locks in Ballard

Two things: Yesterday I visited the incredible fish ladder at the Chittenden Locks in Ballard, and I discovered the setting on my Canon PowerShot that lets you take one picture every second. The music is Guitar Boogie by Les Paul and Mary Ford.