Thursday, November 24, 2011

George W. Bush joke of the day

First...


Sex with Animals Causes Penis Cancer

Men who put their penises in animals have a higher likelihood of penis cancer, a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicinereports:
We think that the intense and long-term SWA [sex with animals] practice could produce micro-traumas in the human penile tissue. The genital mucus membranes of animals could have different characteristics from human genitalia, and the animals' secretions are probably different from human fluids. Perhaps animal tissues are less soft than ours, and non-human secretions would be toxic for us.
Then today...

Hopefully it's by fucking an elephant.
Thank you very much.
MD

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Typical morning in Seattle City Hall

I wake up here...


stumble up the steps to City Hall...
and go to the seventh floor and read the mayor's newspaper.
I go out to the mayor's balcony and look down at my humble abode...


then I go downstairs to the main lobby...
where I plunk myself down to get some work done. Since my laptop was stolen, Nathan Shields (a prince) has loaned me a Chrome, made by Google, that only has one program installed, Chrome, an internet browser, so that's all I can do, browse the internet. Every once in a while I'm inspired to write something, but it can only happen when I'm online. With no WORD or NOTEPAD program to open, you literally can't do anything with this when you're not connected. Luckily, City Hall has great WIFI, even though they're probably secretly listening in to everything I say. So if I ever slip into gibberish, you'll know it's just me fucking with their heads and not the mescaline kicking in.
The mescaline kicks in and I have a daymare about being pepper-sprayed by Seattle Police while innocently crossing the street.

I open up my eyes and THIS guy is looking at me.
Something's going on in the lobby.

Who let all these people in my room?

Wow, a buffet, croissants and coffee, just what I need. I don't know who these people are but thanks for the grub.
And swag, what's with the swag?
I grab one of everything and hope no one notices. 
Something bright and shiny manifests itself.
Never offer free candy to a tripping caffeinated prowler who has mysteriously gained access to the gates of power. Even though he can't really tell what this stuff is, he will dump it all in the pouch in front of his raincoat and bring it to the crew downstairs...

then he will stumble past the fireplace that can never be lit...
and get back to writing. I'm in City Hall, goddamit. There's news to report.





Monday, November 21, 2011

From Occupy Everett to Occupy Seattle



Occupy Everett is the most civilized occupy site I've ever seen. There's space, all this space, and the tents are all neat and tidy. 



The main tent has, get this, a door, a real door, made of wood, and looks waterproof and cozy. 

If Martha Stewart were to join the Occupy movement and create her own tent city, it would start like this.

A corporation is not a person and neither is this lighting fixture.
So I'm taking the 510 back to Seattle from Everett. I've gotten a call from City Hall and, as the permit holder for Occupy Seattle, I'm needed for some sort of crisis. The bus pulls off the 5 at downtown, takes a left on Fifth, and can precede no further. The intersection is being blocked by Occupy Seattle. Yeah, that's right. Occupy Seattle was blocking the bus taking the permit holder for Occupy Seattle to the site in City Hall. Fuckers. The bus driver had no choice but to take another route but was kind enough to let me out. Here's what I saw.

As near as I can tell, this sign says " Banks are flammable, cops are ticklish."  THIS is why they  stopped my bus?

Oh great, these guys. Perfect. That little old lady is about to get pepper sprayed and make it on Keith Olbermann  while  I get pepper sprayed and don't make it on anything. AGEISM!
Oh great, these guys. Perfect. They really look like they've got my best interests at heart.

Not strictly true. He wasn't counting on a feisty old lady getting pepper-sprayed.

Radioactive Man makes a grand appearance.
I ate a banker once. Tasted like chicken.
Hello Kitty got pepper-sprayed. Why didn't THAT make the news?
Shiny happy people

Featuring Fidel Castro on drums.

Red-eye not caused by pepper-spray. Red-eye caused by camera. Bad camera. 

Actual pepper spray actually getting sprayed into crowd on street and then on me on sidewalk.

So at this point I'm asking myself why, why, why did the Occupy Seattle movement block my bus to the Occupy Seattle movement? So I'd have to get off the bus and get pepper-sprayed? Fuck this shit.
This is what things look like AFTER you've been pepper-sprayed.

I did not allow anyone to do this to me. I suffered my pain in silent rage at the bastards who did this to me.
This woman was pregnant and had a miscarriage days later that she blames on the Seattle Police Department. 


In the sixties, the civil rights movement had sit-ins in cafes in the south that had signs outside saying 'No niggers allowed." When they were arrested, they brought the signs to the media's attention, proudly proclaiming that this was an outrage that shouldn't exist in America. The sit-in was site-specific. And so I am left asking myself What exactly was so important about occupying the corner of Fifth and Pike? It just seemed a stupid way to rile up the police. I got pepper-sprayed, and so did 84-year-old Dorli Rainey, who ended up getting an apology from the Mayor and appearances on national television where it turned out she was a perfect spokeswoman for the movement. I guess it wasn't so stupid.

I claim this peninsula




I claim this peninsula in the name of Occupy Seattle, Occupy Wall Street, Occupy America, and 99% of the entire human species who are goddam tired of seeing the greediest liars and corpulent thieves in the world get away with the greatest monetary theft in history, where corruption and extortion rule the day, where the word "sharing" is equated with piracy, where the system itself is broken to the core and seemingly beyond repair, where there's nothing left to do but stake a claim in a triangular piece of earth owned by the city of Seattle and refuse to budge until the change, the big change, the one that's coming, I guarantee it. I claim this peninsula in the name of the revolution. This is the real thing. It is local, it is national, and it is global. It is readily apparent to anyone paying attention. We've had enough. If you got a government bailout, take notice. We're the 99% and we want our money back. With interest. Now.

I claim this peninsula because one morning I was told there had been a vote the night before and, if I wanted, I was in charge. I claim this peninsula because Geronimo said "I was no chief and never had been, but because I had been more deeply wronged than others, this honor was conferred upon me, and I resolved to prove worthy of the trust" so I claim this peninsula in the name of all native Americans who understood that land can't be owned and trust must be earned. I claim this peninsula in the name of the tired and the poor, the wretched refuse yearning to breathe free, yes, I claim this peninsula in the name of the Statue of Liberty, a gift from France, so good on you, France, I claim this peninsula for you too, and promise to learn the lessons of your revolution. 

I claim this peninsula for every gay, every straight, every transexual and every confused. I claim this peninsula in the name of truth, justice, and the American way of revolution. To try to stop us is futile. I claim this peninsula because it was sitting there waiting to be claimed, a prime piece of downtown property that was under-utilized to say the least, a minor sub-plaza of city hall which, on a good day, was occupied by three people, all smokers, most with fancy new phones I can't afford because I can't get credit because all my money is stuck in Paypal and can't get out. Oh yeah, I'm going there. Fuck the banking system. Fuck it good. You know what I call the bankers and stock brokers who jumped out of windows during the Great Depression? A good start. I claim this peninsula in full support of more Wall Street professionals committing suicide and leaving the world a better place. (But first change your wills and leave everything to me. I'll use the money to hire professional lobbyists to lobby Congress to regulate your industry and make lobbying itself illegal.)

I claim this peninsula because every penny given to a public official or someone running for office is a bribe that should be prosecuted as a felony, because the Supreme Court of the United States, the Senate, and the House of Representatives are completely corrupt and most of them belong in jail. If I believed in the death penalty, I'd be asking for their heads (once again, thank you, France). Many of the 99% want Congress and the Supreme Court publicly flailed, but I'll be content for every one of these slimeballs to spend the rest of their lives getting gangbanged by Bubba, Charles Manson, or any random member of the Crips and Bloods who happens to be taking a shower in their local federal institution.

I don't claim this peninsula for Steve Jobs, I claim this peninsula for the Chinese indentured servants who put together Apple's iPads and the American workers who should have those jobs. I claim this peninsula for the American worker because you REALLY don't want to piss them off. I don't claim this peninsula for anything remotely similar to a stock exchange or money peddler, I claim this peninsula so every individual gets to thrive without the rules stacked against them, and for most corporate CEOs to be strung up by their nuts. I claim this peninsula because "I've got a fiduciary responsibility to maximize profits for my stockholders" is the new "I was only following orders." I claim this peninsula because if corporations are people, I want BP charged with manslaughter, Union Carbide charged with genocide, and Halliburton charged with rape. (And I want Victoria's Secret to marry me.)





I claim this peninsula to invite George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condoleezza Rice to commit ritual Seppuku and kill themselves to atone for the atrocious crimes they committed against humanity. I claim this peninsula to end the war on drugs retroactively to 1970, for every prisoner to be set free, and for reparations to be paid to everyone who was prosecuted during this heinous crime against humanity.

I claim this peninsula for the children, what about the children, isn't anyone doing anything for the children? I claim this peninsula because pizza isn't a vegetable and the Coca Cola Company are corporate criminals (check out http://killercoke.org/).

I claim this peninsula to get my life back on track, to do what I do best, to learn from my mistakes, to take responsibility and keep it, to do right and to get it back. I claim this peninsula because I led a broken and devastated woman to a homeless shelter a block away and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said thank you, thank you, I can't believe you're doing this for me. I claim this peninsula for everyone who has ever said thank you.





I claim this peninsula in the name of every manic depressive, bipolar, can't-cope, schizophrenic misfit who ever cried to the stars with an unanswered prayer. I claim for the lazy, I claim for the misbegotten, I claim for the minority of one, for the individual, whatever their make-up. I claim this peninsula because my favorite color is flesh, in every human manifestation, I claim to be human, I am human, I have rights as a human no matter how many others may find me reprehensible, because after all, everyone is reprehensible to someone. I claim this peninsula for HUMAN rights, for the rights of every member of our species to live a life uninterrupted by assholes. I claim this peninsula for everyone who has ever been busted for no damn rational reason, for those who languish in jail while the real criminals roam free in their penthouses and private islands surrounded by gunboats. 

I claim this peninsula for Eugene Debbs, because I recognize my kinship with all living beings, and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest on earth. I said then, and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it, and while there is a criminal element I am of it, and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.

I claim this peninsula in opposition to American imperialism, for our soldiers overseas fighting for the petroleum industry and other corporate tools of the military industrial complex. I claim this peninsula for every living veteran, especially those without a job, without healthcare, without a home, with PTSD, with hidden rage against the system that taught them how to kill, squeezed them dry and left them flat. I claim this peninsula in the name of creating less veterans of foreign occupations by simply not being in 172 countries who somehow don't appreciate our presence.

I claim this peninsula because I've always been a renter and this is probably the closest I'll ever get to owning a piece of land in my life, even though any pitiful human who thinks they own a piece of the earth is delusional. 

I claim this peninsula for the Joads of Wrath, so I’ll be ever’where – wherever you look. Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beating up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad – an’ they know supper’s ready. An’ when our people eat the stuff they raise, an’ live in the houses they build, why, I’ll be there too. I claim this peninsula in the name of plagiarism, the creative commons, and copyright infringement. I claim this peninsula in the name of file sharing, child bearing, and artistic daring. I claim this peninsula because I'm not a ruler, I'm a rudder, and maybe, because I can't be bought or sold, because I'm nobody's tool, because I understand and sympathize with both sides of the problem, I might be able to steer the occupy movement into a situation where things can move beyond getting talked about and somehow actually done. 

I claim this peninsula because I love Seattle, every season, every bridge, mountain, waterway, and lock. The waterfront, the parks, the lakes, free first Thursday, the free bus zone, the parade of tugboats, the fireworks in Lake Union, the theater, the music, the monorail, the needle, the best library system on earth and a central building that's an architectural wonder, the international fountain where naked lesbians frolic in the water after the gay parade, the hempfest, the biggest peaceful protest event on earth where 350,000 people gather in a city park to commit an act of civil disobedience with the permission and approval of the mayor and police force, man, I love it here, Ballard, Green Lake, the arboretum, the transit tunnel, Seattle is,the Paris of America and if you disagree you can step outside right now for a sound thrashing, We can lead this movement from Seattle, where the mayor and city council are on our side. We can show the rest of the country how it can be done.



I claim this peninsula in the name of my father, his son, and the holey toast (bagel). I claim this peninsula for whoever else happens to be standing around at the time. I claim this peninsula for the derelicts, outcasts, and societal dregs I won't even let in my encampment. I claim this peninsula in the name of Paul Krassner, Lenny Bruce, Bob Dylan, George Carlin, Timothy Leary, Eugene Ionesco, Robert Anton Wilson, Bill HIcks, Charles Bukowski, Art Kunkin, Jay Levin, Jim Channon, Abbie Hoffman, Jean-Paul Marat, Leonard Peltier, Geronimo, John Lennon, Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Sam Kinison, Hunter S. Thompson, and Mitch Hedberg. I claim this peninsula in the name of pot, booze, and loose women. (Donations accepted at the tent.) I claim this peninsula because Mayor McGinn offered it to me and it would be rude to refuse. I claim this peninsula because I've got a tent and a trusty crew of street-wise roustabouts who've got my back. I claim this peninsula because it's a responsibility I've discovered I can handle.

I claim this peninsula for you, the person reading this, because whatever you want, I want that too, because I want everyone on earth to thrive and be happy, and think, deep down, it's actually possible if we all just respect each other's rights to do the same. I claim this peninsula for freedom of religion and freedom from religion. I claim this peninsula for everyone's right to believe any damn fool thing they want and my right to criticize their idiocy. I claim this peninsula because the promise of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is only in the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution, and so carries no legal weight. Fuck that. I claim this peninsula so everyone can have as much life, liberty, and happiness as they can possibly stand as long as it doesn't get in the way of anyone else's right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

I claim this peninsula for rock & roll, for Abbott & Costello, for Larry, Moe, Curly Joe, and the Bowery Boys.

I claim this peninsula because I have nowhere else to go.

I claim this peninsula because somebody had to and it's just pathetic it had to be me.

MD


Thank you Geoffrey Gribbin for the amazing photos.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Seattle activists deliberately start riot

Poster clearly stating the march starts at 6PM at Westlake Park

6 arrested and pepper spray deployed in Occupy Seattle protests 

I was there at Seattle Central Community College at 3:30 when the march set out. A speaker at the campus specifically said they were headed towards Westlake Plaza to join a bigger crowd and march to the bank from there. Westlake Plaza was plastered with posters about the march, which was to start from there at 6:30. By 5:00, the march still hadn't reached the people waiting in Westlake, even though it's an easy 20 minute walk. Why?
 
The marchers took off from the college campus south on Broadway towards Pike, where I believe everyone, me, the police, even the marchers themselves, expected to turn right towards Westlake Park. It was a march I'd taken many times before with the Hempfest, escorted by the police.
 
But then instead of turning right, the leader turned left, crossed the street, and turned left again, making a complete U-turn, now heading north on Broadway. I was wondering where the hell they were going, so were the police, and so were the marchers themselves.
 
It's like the march organizers didn't know that all you have to do is tell the police what route you're taking to and they won't give a damn what your march is about, as a matter of public safety, they will escort you, block off intersections making it safe for you to pass, make sure no one gets hit by a car, and get ambulances there as fast as possible in case one of the marchers has a seizure (I saw this happen).
 
Either that or they were deliberately provoking the police because they thought the issue was us vs. the police instead of us vs. Chase Manhattan and the international cabal of bankers who rule the world.
 
The only reason the police weren't working with this march to make it a peaceful act of civil disobedience where no one got hurt is because the organizers saw that veteran in Oakland get shot out of a tree and said to themselves Good Idea, let's get shot out of trees ourselves. I blame them for the violence, which was unquestionably deliberately provoked.
 
You know what else would have worked? The entire crowd marching into the bank and simply sitting down and saying nothing. Give the police a hundred people to peaceably cart away.
 
Follow Vivian McPeak's advice concerning dealing with the police when committing an act of civil disobedience. Don't act so surprised when they bust you. You know it's going to happen. 
That's why you're there, so to suddenly go OMG, look what this police officer is doing to me is disingenuous to say the least. That's the plan.
 
Try this next time. Everyone go up to a cop and introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm Heidi, and you're about to arrest me. I just want you to know that I will not resist arrest, though I may go limp and you may have to carry me out. I understand you're just doing your job. It's nothing personal. Please don't mace me. I don't have any weapons."
 
They will appreciate it. They will still arrest you, but if you treat them with respect, they might end up respecting you too. You're both just doing your job. No reason to get nasty.
 
There are those accusing the "leaders" of this march of working undercover for the enemy to try to splinter the movement. I'm not saying it's true, but if it WERE true, they couldn't be doing a better job.
 
It's time to start a new work group called "Enemy Reduction," the idea being that the less enemies you have, the more chance you have of accomplishing absolutely anything. Every enemy we've got, let's make them our friend.

Friday, October 28, 2011

10 Things Occupy Seattle is Asking from City Hall


10 Things Occupy Seattle is Asking from Seattle City Hall

Occupy Seattle's permit to occupy City Hall is up at the end of the month so I'll be signing the new permit to keep us going for at least another week. I'm thinking of all the things I need to ask for, like more space and the occasional use of a Xerox machine and the rights of children to camp.

It's a legitimate negotiating strategy to deliberately include things you don't really want in order to give them the opportunity to turn something down and feel superior, so here's my official list of the 10 things I'm inviting Seattle City Hall to say no to...

  1. A bonfire.
  2. Pony rides.
  3. A tropical fish tank full of piranhas for leftover vagrants.
  4. Turning the plaza into an ice rink and doing a show called Homeless on Ice.
  5. A bunny farm so we can all wake up surrounded by hundreds of bunnies.
  6. A merry-go-round.
  7. A public hanging in effigy of every bankster in Seattle who got away with stealing millions of dollars, through fraud and deception, from the innocent who now suffer.
  8. An Occu-pie-fight, where we invite the 99% to City Hall to throw pies at each other.
  9. A job, a home, some food, maybe a little medicine, preferably pot.
  10. A theatrical production of The Occupied Piper, about an Ian Anderson wannabe who leads the homeless out of City Hall to the city park of their dreams, only to have City Hall renege on the deal to pay him, so he teams up with Anonymous to close all their bank accounts, default on their loans and mortgages, and lead them to Ivar's Acres of Clams where they all have one final bowl of chowder before marching off the pier into the Puget Sound like lemmings.

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Lobbyist



Hi, I'm Michael Dare, and since I don't live on a private island surrounded by gunboats with a harem devoted to peeling my grapes, since I haven't fleeced mankind with economic corruption and terrorism for nothing more than my own personal benefit, since I'm not doing high dives into a pool of gold like Scrooge McDuck, since I haven't abandoned the basic precepts of human decency we're all born with for nothing more than my own personal betterment, since I haven't turned into a corpulent slavemaster whose soul can only be measured in micropayments, since this is the best of times for money shufflers and the worst of times for the entire rest of the human race, since I now find myself completely and utterly fucked by a system that puts corporate greed over human need, since I'm now reduced to stealing material not only from Charles Dickens but from signs I read in the park, since the chasm between the haves and the have-nots in this city, this state, this country, this planet, is so wide and so deep that somebody, and it's not me, is looking to get pushed into it, because of all these things, I am part of the 99%, I fully support Occupy Wall Street, and I have been a member of Occupy Seattle since day one.

I had to get that out. Run-on sentences are no good for the public microphone where I've been speaking lately. It's an acquired skill (It's an acquired skill). You speak in short bursts (You speak in short bursts). Everything takes twice as long (Everything takes twice as long). You have to be an insta-poet. Ta da DA da da (ta da DA da da) Da da TA da da da (Da da TA da da da) Writing's so much more simple, where my words only echo endlessly in my OWN head, thank you very much.

From that first day where everything was a triumph, one of the most exciting of my life, the park coalescing into little pods of discourse, interactive amoeba, a big bang of expanding social evolution in front of my eyes, to the fourth morning where I woke up to find a dozen Seattle Police headed by an intimidating officer surrounded by media and lights asking me to take down my tent, to sleeping in the park without a tent, getting my backpack stolen, getting another tent, setting it up on the night of 500, waking again to at least 50 Seattle Police on bikes and the park surrounded by barricades, no way out, no way in, from the first rain where we were forbidden to stand under the awning to the war of the umbrellas where we were literally ordered to get wet, to seven blocks away where I now mysteriously find myself the central facilitator of Occupy Seattle South in that little building called city hall, I've been completely convinced that the movement is organic, embracing all strata of humanity, a living breathing frustrating disorganized mess that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Compared to Westlake Park, City Hall is the goddam Hilton. Westlake Park is absolutely one of the worst places in the city to try to get a good night's sleep. City Hall has a whole other vibe, peaceful, organized, sanitary, a place where things got done instead of talked about.

Mysteriously, I was called a traitor. How dare I accept the Mayor's kind offer of a place to sleep, bathrooms, running water, dozens of free electrical outlets, no police, and a safe place to leave my stuff where I can find it when I get back? Why was I giving in to THE MAN? I asked if the Mayor offered them a room in the Hilton, would they take it, and was told No way, man. He's the problem. It would be like accepting cake from Marie Antoinette. It's all just a ruse. They want us where they want us so they can surround us and BAM, round us all up.

Well, first of all, that's not what the permit says. Second, no Mayor in the history of Seattle has EVER offered the front plaza of City Hall for occupation by a political movement, much less suspended the fees which should be running up to $500 a day. Third, if there was any political pressure on the Mayor to do something, it was surely NOT to offer us City Hall, it would have been the opposite, to squash us like bugs. Fourth, if the Mayor hadn't offered it to us, we'd be demanding it, and fifth, I asked him if he'd ever heard of the Trojan Horse. When the Mayor invited us to occupy City Hall, he surely didn't expect ME in the lobby.

Writing in the lobby of city hall, I try to figure out what to call myself. Days ago, I was told that the night before they had a vote and I was now in charge. I was uncomfortable with being called a leader so we settled on facilitator but I'm not happy with that because it makes my kids facilitator tots.

So I need a new word for myself. I'm in a goddam lobby. The city council and the mayor are upstairs. I have been, and I cannot stress this enough, invited.

The one thing I've done outside is listen to people's stories. I cannot claim to represent Boeing, but I can claim to represent the Boeing worker I met in Westlake Park. I cannot claim to represent the hotel worker's union, but I can claim to represent the needs of the member of the hotel worker's union I met in Westlake Park. To claim to represent the 99% means to claim to represent everything from crack addicts to cops. That's a big bridge to gap, but I guess I represent them too.

I didn't choose to do this. I'm filling a vacuum, much as my cat once did. What I am is a very non-professional lobbyist for the 99%.

Dear Mayor McGinn,

I have decided to accept your brave and generous offer to occupy city hall, and for the first time in my life, I'm not being the least bit facetious. I speak both in my volunteer capacity as primary facilitator for Occupy Seattle: City Hall, and in my personal capacity as a homeless person in the City of Seattle. Occupy Seattle and the homeless problem are now joined at the hip and they're both mine. I am both a relentless advocate for social change and a fellow human being with no place to stay tonight. I'm couch surfing, and mean it from the bottom of my cold cold heart, I appreciate the place to crash.

That being said, you should know I'm right here, dude, in the southeast corner of the main lobby, sucking up your electricity with a broken laptop, and I'm going to be here till you throw me out. I'm in City Hall for the long haul. This isn't going to take days or weeks or months. This is going to take years, and I'm going to be here, sometimes in full support, sometimes a massive obstruction in your sigmoid colon. I'll try to be a nice guest. I am here, after all, at your invitation, and I'm not a shmuck. I know that a courteous person leaves everything behind as they found it if they ever want to be invited back. This chair I'm sitting in? I moved it. I promise to move it back when I'm done.

Our permit is up for renewal at the end of the month, and hopefully, the month after that and the month after that. My personal needs directly correlate to the needs of the movement I hesitate to claim to represent. I need a job and a place to live. I need food and transportation and entertainment and companionship. I need to know that life isn't like joining a game of Monopoly already in progress, a game that never starts over, where every square is already owned, so anywhere you land except Free Parking, you're screwed, you never pass go, and you never collect $200 (or, in the case of Seattle, $197). There's got to be a way out of this. I know there is, and it's not just me.

The OCCUPY movement has spread across the country. Every mayor in America is facing the exact same problem you're facing. The mayor who figures out how to deal with us with grace and compassion, the mayor who can take the principles of Occupy Wall Street and successfully apply them to their own town, could end up leading this country out of the second great depression.

How do I know this is a "depression" and not a "recession" or "downturn in the market" or "bump in the road that will correct itself?" Because of the people I've met. Because making a claim to represent 99% of Americans, in all their splendor, with their wildly divergent sizes and shapes and colors and religions and IQs and political affiliations and endless personal needs seems completely outrageous until you enter an OCCUPY camp and find men and women, big and small, black and white and everything in between, preaching the gospel and preaching anarchy, brilliant people who have never had the chance to share their views in public finding, goddam, there are others who agree with them, the good looking mingling with the ugly, macho scumbags high-fiving semi-transsexuals all in the name of one thing, to secure a place on this planet where our basic human needs are seen to, a social safety net that applies to everybody whether anyone thinks we deserve it or not.

You've got it particularly tough since this is a company town where the companies are Microsoft, Boeing, Starbucks, Amazon, etc., some of which are completely cool, and some of which are part of the problem. You want to lead this movement instead of oppress it, you've got to start dealing with local corporations according to the national guidelines set by Occupy Wall Street.

We want money out of politics. How about banning all political contributions in the City of Seattle and setting up a taxpayer financed electoral process? Seattle can show America how it can be done. (Don't ask me.)

You can personally stand up to the Supreme Court and say No thank you, in Seattle, corporations aren't people and money isn't speech. We all know these are both legal fictions that only exist to codify corruption, making it possible for you, right now, to squeeze local corporations for dough for your own personal benefit. Want to join us? Squeeze corporations for the benefit of the city. (Easy example, the current plan to lose the free bus zone downtown. This is easily branded as part of the war against the poor, and a war against the poor is a war against Occupy Seattle. Personally, now that general relief checks have stopped coming in, I can't afford ANYTHING, much less public transportation. Get a corporation, or a conglomeration of corporations, to pony up for the free buses.)

The one thing you can't do is ignore us. I may seem to be representing the dregs of the earth, but there's a militia that's got our back. They've made themselves known to me. Seattle is on the verge of the showing the US how NOT to deal with us, and it won't be pretty. This isn't a threat. I don't like it any more than you do. I want to defuse the situation.

Mayor McGinn, I genuinely think you're on our side, that if fate had sent you careening into a life other than mayor, you'd be with us.

There's a fireplace in the lobby of City Hall I understand is rarely used. On some beautiful, cold, windy, and obviously rainy Seattle day, how about a fireside chat? I'll bring the marshmallows.

Sincerely,

Michael Dare
Lobby
City Hall
Seattle, WA



Dear Occupy Seattle,

Let me tell you about the Seattle Hempfest. It is not the biggest political event in Seattle. It is not the biggest music or cultural event in Seattle. It is the biggest event in Seattle, period, and the biggest peaceful political protest and act of civil disobedience on the planet earth, maybe ever.

How do we do it when we're a political protest in a public park governed by a city ordinance that bans camping, just like Occupy Seattle? We work with the mayor and the police who, amazingly enough, agree with us that the war against marijuana is outrageous. There's a three year waiting period for police to volunteer for working the Hempfest. They want to be there.

This year they cut their staff way back. There were basically only four Seattle Police for the whole park.

Are you listening to me? Every year, up to 250,000 people gather in a public park in Seattle as a political protest against the drug war, openly buying and selling paraphernalia, openly sending giant white clouds of pot smoke into the air, and the Seattle Police and Mayor not only let it happen, THEY'RE ON OUR SIDE.

What's the difference between Occupy Seattle and Hempfest, where the city ordinance just as clearly forbids camping? We don't camp. That's it. You think we don't want to let venders and performers spend the night? You don't think we've asked for a variance? No way. On that point, they won't budge. We've been fighting this exact same battle for 20 years. They have threatened to do to Hempfest what they've been doing in Westlake, coming through the park at night and hassling people who might be sleeping.

But they don't. Why? Because we do it for them. I personally have gone up to people at Hempfest and ordered them to take down their tents. I don't like it. I think they should be able to stay. But it's a small price to pay for Hempfest to happen. How many of you think we should have allowed the city to cancel the Hempfest permit this year and stop the entire event by drawing an imaginary line in the sand concerning the enforcement of this one stupid law. We had bigger fish to fry and so do you.

You want to change a city ordinance? You believe in democracy? There's an app for that. It's called the initiative process. Getting it on the ballot and getting the 99% to vote this inhumane ordinance out of existence will be MUCH more effective than pitching a tent in the rain in a deserted park.

It's particularly not worth fighting for since the mayor has already acquiesced to so many of our demands.

You can't ask for 24 hour access to bathrooms. He's given them to us at city hall.

You can't ask for permanent booths devoted to medical needs and food distribution. He's given them to us at city hall.

You can't ask for a safe place to store your things where you'll find them when you get back, you can't ask for a location to pitch a tent without fear of police interference, and most importantly, you can't ask for a bongo free environment where you can actually get a full night's sleep, because he's already given them all to us at City Hall.

You may have had a bad experience with cop. I'm not surprised. So have I, but you can't carry that baggage with you into this movement and apply it to all police, any more than you can take a bad experience you had with an Eskimo and apply it to all Eskimos. Do you know any police who live on private islands surrounded by hula girls and tidy mile-high stacks of hundred dollar bills? If they're not the 1%, they're the 99%, and I personally invite every Police Officer, every Social Worker, every bus driver, and every city employee to come join us at city hall in protest of the corporate takeover of the United States of America.

I'll put it as simply as possible. When we started, we were living in a single. We slept and worked in the same place. Now that we've grown, we need a one bedroom. Let City Hall be your bedroom and nothing more.

At night, downtown Seattle clears out and turns into a standard deserted urban shithole. What exactly is the point of occupying Westlake at night? You can demonstrate up the wazoo and it'll only be seen by three crack addicts and a pigeon.

At Westlake, there are no Honey Buckets, so at night, the alleys surrounding the area have turned into public urinals and worse. This should be a Parks Department issue. They provide free trashcans they routinely empty, regardless of the political affiliation or race or gender of the pedestrians disposing of their empty Starbucks cups. They don't want trash in their parks and they shouldn't want crap in their alleyways. It's a public health issue. Whatever the may think of our possession of the park, the city should provide Honey Buckets in city parks where there are hundreds of people, whatever the purpose. Depriving anyone of the simple right to empty their bladders and bowels is intestinal terrorism and pretty goddam despicable. (Personally, I think it should be the law that ANY business open to the public must have bathrooms open to the public. Call me crazy but shitting and pissing are the smelliest human rights that the Occupy movement should be fighting for.)

I have nothing but admiration for the brave souls who got themselves arrested in Westlake. There was a particular moment when it was a direct strike for the movement, the tents symbolizing everything we stand for. Hell, I was there with you in a borrowed tent. But that moment has passed. Now it's just an unfortunate distraction from the real issues.

It seems to me that you have been surround by the police doing terrible things for so long that you have deluded yourself into thinking they're out to stifle free speech and squash the movement. It's not true. They don't give a shit about what you're saying. Ask yourself. Have they ever busted a SPEAKER? No. All they're interested in is tents. and allowing the Park Service to do their job cleaning the park. THAT'S the only law they care about. If the tents are gone, POOF, so are the cops. No more paranoia about being busted. Really. Just like Hempfest. I've talked to them (before I found out I wasn't supposed to). As soon as they're convinced there will be no more camping at night, the only cops you will see in Westlake are the ones off duty who are joining us. You've got to pick your battles. Corruption in politics or tents.

MD

Dear Anarchists,

You're part of the 99% so God help me, I represent you too, even though you don't want representation, even though you believe we've reached the tipping point where the only possible solution is to bring down the system. I'm with you. The problem of corruption is systemic and has to go. It's like cancer that has spread throughout the structure of society so surgery, radiation therapy, whatever it takes to kill the damn thing without killing US in the process.

It's like the viaduct. It had to come down. But that doesn't mean it had to be blown up while people were driving on it. Step by step, the old structure will be replaced with a new one, just like we're going to do with society.

When society crumbles, there will be anarchy. It is a necessary part of the transition process from one system to another, but the open mike at general assembly is positive proof that order and responsibility will naturally evolve and arise out of anarchy and chaos. Nobody could have planned it that way. I watched. It just happened and nobody could have stopped it. The natural impulse towards structure and safety is one of the trademarks of our species.

The first man to hurl an insult instead of a rock invented civilization. You can't fight FOR civilization with rocks.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Occupy Seattle - October 1, 2011





86 more pictures of Occupy Seattle - October 1, 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

Occupy Seattle: Protest at Westlake Center : Seattlest

I will be there.

occupyseattle.jpg
Occupy Seattle's 99 Sign

It all started in July, when Adbusters published a call to arms (more specifically to unarmed occupation and protest), which kicked off the Occupy Wall Street movement, which you may or may not have heard much about.

Occupy Seattle is a grassroots satellite protest that stands in solidarity with the New York movement. Groups in major cities across the country are staging similar protests, calling themselves the 99%.

Their website proclaims: “We are here because we are tired of corporations running our government.” If you’re tired too, and want to participate, this group is meeting Saturday, October 1st at 10 a.m. at Westlake Center. It’s suggested that everyone wear a dollar bill with the eye of Providence facing out so that protesters can find each other.

Occupy Seattle Protest // Saturday, October 1, 2011 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. // Westlake Center


Occupy Seattle: Protest at Westlake Center : Seattlest

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Rapture by Proxy



Send $20 for a full size blow-up doll, or $10 for a mini-sized blow-up doll, along with your name, or the name of the party you would like to see Raptured by Proxy [TM], to Michael Dare, 2405 NE 113th St., #3, Seattle, WA 98125.

On October 21, 2011, I will write your name on the doll with a Sharpie, fill it with helium, and live blog the release of all the dolls into the Seattle sky, whatever the weather.

Don't let the next Rapture catch you with your pants down, and don't accept any other offers for Raptures by Proxy. This is the only one with a personal guarantee that you will fly into the clouds.